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4 Steps To Take To Move On
After A Relationship Breakup
By Ronda Phillips I Dare to Outdo Yourself!
CHALLENGE Yourself to:
Know How to MOVE ON AFTER A RELATIONSHIP BREAKUP
As a kid, can you recall experiencing a relationship breakup for the first time with your childhood sweetheart? Do you remember what that felt like?
If you are currently in a healthy, solid and loving relationship...congratulations to you!
Unfortunately for some people though, there's a crazy little thing called love that oftentimes gets torn apart as a result of betrayal and rejection in the midst of their relationship. Perhaps you may be going through an unpleasant relationship experience right now.
Perhaps your relationship may seem something like this...
The relationship you have with your spouse or partner appears to be good at this time. Although it may not be a perfect relationship, the two of you are still "hanging in there" and getting along.
Both of you may have certain pet peeves that sometimes causes you to get on each other's nerves from time to time.
What you two at one time used to joke about, is now what you both nag and complain about, which oftentimes seems like the smallest things -- while rarely addressing the bigger, more important issues.
Over the course of time, you may find that the two of you don't talk as much as you used to. You may have become numb to the things that used to bother you about one another. You may have excuses for choosing not to go out together as a couple, opting to do things and go places separately and more frequently than usual.
Then from out of nowhere, your spouse or partner may tell you something like this, "This relationship is just not working for me anymore." "I think we need space." "It's time for us to take a break." "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore." "I don't love you anymore." "This relationship is over." "I want a divorce." "I think we should split up and go our separate ways." "We need to breakup."
It can be devastating to hear these words from your spouse or partner, especially if you don't feel the same way, if you are still in love with your partner or if you don't think things are that bad to justify breaking up.
Perhaps you may be in denial, not wanting to accept a breakup in a relationship.
Perhaps you may feel like you can't live without him/her.
Perhaps you may feel like your life is over.
So what is a relationship breakup?
By definition, a breakup is, an act or instance of breaking up; if a marriage breaks up or two people in a romantic relationship break up, their marriage or their relationship ends.
Perhaps you may have experienced that at the onset of your spouse or partner telling you they wanted to breakup in the relationship, you may have felt like you were in a "twilight zone" and thought to yourself, "This can't be happening to me."
Even worse, the reason, timing or the way in which your spouse or partner may choose to breakup with you in the relationship can be even more "uncool" and flat out wrong.
For example, they may choose to "breakup" with you because they actually met someone else, however they may tell you something different in order to minimize the "low blow" of the actual truth with reasons such as, they have nothing else to offer you, they don't deserve you or you deserve better.
Or, they may choose to "split up" with you in the midst of a big family crisis or just weeks before your big wedding day.
Or, they may choose to "dump" you via an email, voicemail or text message, stating they just want to be "friends."
Experiencing a relationship breakup can be difficult to accept, especially if you deeply love your spouse or partner. You'll think on the memories of how you two first met and the life you've built and shared together. You may feel like your world is crumbling down before your eyes, as if your whole life is being shattered into pieces.
If a relationship breakup is what you are experiencing right now, know that it's not the end of the world. It's okay to cry if that's how you feel. However, you don't want to remain in a low emotional state, which can affect your mental and physical health. Wipe away the tears, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do whatever you believe is necessary to better your overall well-being. Be patient with your emotional healing process.
There will either be restoration of, or complete release from -- the relationship. If your spouse or partner decides they would like to work on the relationship and give it another chance, determine if you feel the same way too. If so, it is recommended that the two of you have a heart-to-heart talk to get to the root of every thing that went wrong, and come to an agreed upon solution on what action steps you both believe you should take to do things differently -- better -- to contribute and commit 100% toward one another and the relationship going forward. If both of you truly want the relationship to work, yet still can't seem to get past certain hurdles even though you desire to, then seeking professional help either separately or together [or both] may be necessary.
However, if your spouse or partner is adamant about breaking up -- when you know without a doubt you did the absolute best that you could, accept it. Learn and grow from the experience...and move on.
So, how do you successfully move on when the one you love doesn't love you anymore...when the relationship is officially over?
If you're having a hard time processing that your relationship is over and don't know how to move forward, there is a way to get you going in the right direction.
Here are 4 steps you can take to help you move on with your life after a relationship breakup:
Choosing to pardon your mate is for your benefit, not theirs. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are excusing them for any wrongful act they committed or any grief they caused you. Forgiveness means you understand they are human and you are giving them space to learn and grown from the experience. Likewise, forgive yourself for any wrong you may have contributed toward the relationship and take ownership of your actions or inactions. Examine what you could have done differently so you can avoid repeating the same choices or mistakes in the future.
2. BE AT PEACE
It may take some time for you to make sense of the circumstances surrounding your experience or to fully understand why your mate stopped loving you in the first place and chose to breakup with you. Do not try to force your mate to stay with you against their will or demand certain answers you feel you may need to hear from them beyond what has already been said in order to have closure. Don't over think it. Simply put your thoughts to rest and move on to other meaningful endeavors in your life. If you truly love someone, be willing to let them go if this is their desire. If the relationship is meant to be -- if the two of you are meant to be together, then time will tell.
3. LOVE YOURSELF
So often we long for that special someone to love us, when we have not yet learned how to love ourselves. There's no better time than right now -- to value, appreciate and respect who you are. Get to know and like yourself. Daily, make self-care a priority. Be specific about your preferences in life, and don't settle for less than what you believe you deserve. You don't have to put up with unnecessary drama that can stress you out.
Perhaps if you've been experiencing low self-worth or low-self esteem [without even realizing it], it can be easy to become totally dependent on someone else for everything you need. You may not see how you'll ever make it without them because they've always been in control of the "purse strings." Take inventory of the resources you have. Position yourself to get a job, establish a career or start a business you love that will enable you to earn your own income so you can become self-sufficient and more than adequately take care of your responsibilities including monthly expenses, unexpected emergencies or unforeseen circumstances at any time.
4. ENJOY YOUR LIFE
The only person responsible for your happiness is you. It's normal to desire companionship. However, it's best to take your time to get to know people that you choose to get involved with before getting too invested into a committed relationship. If not, there's great risk in bringing unresolved baggage into a relationship with someone else. You may end up finding history repeating itself -- by causing or creating the same old problems with a different person in a new relationship. Do not be concerned about being scared of being alone. Be excited about enjoying your own company. Get out of the house, into the world and have some fun. Learn new and exciting things that can help you grow to become a better person.
It can really hurt when the one you love so dearly tells you they don't love you anymore, and it's even more hurtful when they stop showing it. No matter how much you may have invested into the relationship, you can't force anyone to love you...it's either there or it's not. Although they may not see their own faults that may have affected the relationship, if they are unwilling to work out any differences with you that may have caused their love for you diminish; put aside your pride, be humble and give them the freedom to move on with their life if that's what they have decided to do, so you can move on with yours.
Perhaps the warning signs -- the red flags -- were there there the entire time, and you overlooked them.
Perhaps you may now realize that a relationship breakup is actually for the best.
Be reminded of these 4 steps you can take to help you move on with your life after a relationship breakup:
2. Be at peace
3. Love yourself
4. Enjoy your life
It's recommended to implement these steps into your life whether you are in a relationship with someone else, or not.
You are not defined by another person, you are defined by how you choose to live your life. If you experience a relationship breakup, trust that as one chapter in your life closes, a new one -- a better one -- can begin. In due time, the right person may enter your life that is truly deserving of all the love you have to give, and they can have so much love for you in return. Being in a loving relationship is an enhancement to your life, which can contribute toward you having the abundant lifestyle you desire.
The eBook, PE Class Workout Guide authored by Ronda Phillips is a personal development and self improvement resource that can also help position you to be productive during the day. The ebook also includes Purpose and Empowerment Right Now Declarations, which provides hundreds of declarations to help remind you of who you are and that the best is still to come in your life. This recommended resource also includes a Manifestation Evaluation, Manifestation Equation, and Daily Manifestation Worksheet. This ebook is also an ideal keepsake gift for someone you care about. You can go here to discover more about the eBook,PE Class Workout Guide.
To Your Empowerment!
To Your Empowerment!
Known for her creative style, positive influence and straightforward professionalism, Ronda Phillips is a certified life coach,author, speaker, television host, style expert and entrepreneur. Her core mission is to empower and challenge individuals to become propelled to take charge of their life through preparation, performance and persistence. Ronda is the founder of Dare to Outdo Yourself!
Prepare. Perform. Persist.
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